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BLOGS & COLUMNS! The Cynic Minute with Lamont King: Santa vs. The Three Wise Men

Urban Marketing Group Staff



 The Cynic Minute with Lamont King

Santa vs. The Three Wise Men

A question was posed to me recently, by a buddy of mine via FB, that really made me seek life’s true meaning. Ok it didn’t do all of that but it was still kind of deep.  See, we are in a closed group that discusses all types of comparative foolishness like Eli vs. Peyton, Spike vs. Quentin, Biggie vs. Tupac, etc.  This particular comparison, however, I found very fascinating and I felt it needed further discussion on my part.  The comparison was raised about who was more important Santa Claus or the 3 Wise Men.  I have come to the conclusion that in the grand scheme of things, them 3 cats are non-mf’n factors compared to SC.


Today the Three Wise Men would be nothing more than a random sampling of any of those African vendors you see on Canal St. in Manhattan, or any downtown open-air market for that matter. One would be selling fake gold watches, another selling homemade incense and body oil, and the last one selling whatever the hell myrrh is.   Ain’t myrrh a spice or ‘tree’ of some kind?  Yeah, we all know what spice that was–weed! These same three n*ggas today would prolly bring baby Jesus that Carter 6 or Detox album on bootleg.  They probably would offer up a mixtape CD with all the songs loaded onto one track that skips, a leather bball jersey, and a San Antonio 2013 NBA championship tshirt.  No ladies and gentlemen, I believe that Santa wins this comparison hands down.  Santa wins simply because he has been trafficking cocaine around the globe all these years with impunity and ain’t nobody said shyt!


He has headed one of the biggest smuggling operations in recorded history for such a long time that no one even remembers who moved that work before him!  Year after year the Yuletide Cartel manages to stay in business even though we all know where their headquarters is based.  The man has multiple identities, several known aliases (Kris Kringle, St. Nick, Jolly C., The Fat Man, etc.), has a hearty appetite for expensive toys and travelling, and he is on vacation for most of the year.  If that ain’t a coke dealer then I don’t know what is.  It’s a snow job.  Literally.  We are supposed to believe that because this dude goes around dropping off toys to kids that his nose is clean.  Hell naw his nose ain’t clean—ask Rudolph.


It’s like Frank Lucas or Nino Brown giving out turkeys in Harlem during the holidays.  Even ‘reindeer’ is nothing more than a code word for ‘drug mule.’  Any smart person can see that Rudolph is strung-out on that nose candy…that booger-sugar.  The only reason he is still working is to pay down his debt.  So we supposed to believe that Santa rides around on a sleigh? A sleigh, huh? Again I tell you, sleigh is a metaphor for pushing that white powder!  I have watched enough episodes of The Wire on DVD and listened to enough Young Jeezy and Jay-Z to know when I’m being made a fool of.  So when it comes to the comparison of the Magi vs. Santa, the verdict is clear – ‘Santa be winning!’


On a final note, I wish that one of these years at Christmas-time we celebrate a different Jesus on his birthday.  Hear me out. I just think we put too much emphasis on cute little baby Jesus. When we observe MLK’s birthday we are paying tribute to the works done by the man MLK not the baby MLK. Have you ever even seen a baby picture of MLK?  I’ll wait.  I just want us to switch things up a little and honor Jesus at a different age and stage of his life. Instead of swooning over cute, infant, crying and pooping baby Jesus, we should focus in on teenage, bad-ass, cornrowed, muscular Jesus.  You know, the rebellious and disrespectful one who talks back and acts out because he doesn’t know his dad.  I think that one deserves more credit than we have given him.  He completely turned his life around and went on to become the world’s most iconic mentor.  It easily could have gone the other way!  He avoided scandal and a criminal record while being a leader to his peers.  That’s very commendable.  Worthy of a celebration.


You have a productive and prosperous new year! Talk to you soon.


Lamont King

photoLamont King is a rising actor, writer, radio/tv personality, and comedian in Washington, DC. Follow him on Twitter @lazeelamont

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A Look Inside New African American Museum in DC

Urban Marketing Group Staff



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U Street Urban History

Urban Marketing Group Staff



A Look Back At U Street And Historic Washington DC

The images seen here are from Arcadia Publishing’s Greater U Street book by Paul K. Williams, published in 2002. It is available at local bookstores and retailers.

If you would like to purchase a copy online CLICK HERE

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Talking Hands Incorporated will host a workshop for modifying toy cars for children with disabilities | Saturday, Dec 10

Urban Marketing Group Staff



Talking Hands Incorporated will host a workshop for modifying toy cars for children with disabilities

Prince George’s County Maryland. ¬– An Oregon State University professor will help volunteers, families and clinicians such as physical therapists modify toy ride-on cars for children with disabilities at a workshop on Saturday, December 10, 2016 in Prince George’s County.

The “Go Baby Go” program provides these modified toy cars to young children with disabilities so they can move around independently.

Sam Logan, who heads the Go Baby Go project at Oregon State University, will lead the workshop, which is being hosted/sponsored by Talking Hands Incorporated. Talking Hands Incorporated is
501 c 3 non-profit organization which educates, supports, advocates, and provides resources to families with special needs children.

The event will run from 9 am to 4 pm, and cars will be tested by the children around 2pm. The modified toy cars will be donated to Early Childhood Center in Prince George’s County.

The modified cars give children with spina bifida, cerebral palsy, Down syndrome and other mobility disabilities a chance to play and socialize with their peers more easily, said Logan, who is also an assistant professor in the College of Public Health and Human Sciences at OSU.

Being pushed in a stroller or being carried from one place to another is fundamentally different from having active control over one’s own exploration, which is where the developmental gains are seen, he said.

There are no commercially available devices for children with mobility issues to get around on their own; and power wheelchairs usually aren’t an option until the children are older. The modified cars provide them independence at a much younger age and at a relatively low cost.
Please consider sponsoring a modified toy car for $200. Or consider making a tax deductible donation to Talking Hands Incorporated so they can continue serving local families and children.

Note to editors:

Images and video are available:
Video from a past Go Baby Go event:
A digital image of a child using a Go Baby Go car:

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